and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
