Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
My vagina is very pro this idea
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