Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
