this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
