dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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