That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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