Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
