I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
