I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
