i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Randomize
