I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize