i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
did i walk over a car last night?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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