i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
