if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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