The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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