That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
