Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
