Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
