dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
where are you?
Hypothermia
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
