My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I could make wine with my vomit
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
