Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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