lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
