i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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