Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
