she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
