Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
