Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
