is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
