My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize