He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
