That's intense
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize