Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
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