OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
