WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
