This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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