he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
