Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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