would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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