is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize