Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
