Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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