he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize