lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
