just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
