God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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