Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
