I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
We got so high we made milksteak
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
