I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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