you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
time to smoke my breakfast
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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