I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
