one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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