I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
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