I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
