let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
