i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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