You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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