You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Randomize
