broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
