playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
