You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
