He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
