I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
