my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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