i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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